9 posts tagged “jordi hates habs”
I've been drifting in and out of actual news (when I'm rewatching an old game, I like to pretend that it's actually happening right now!) And so I was flicking through the game worn jerseys, not like I was getting any ideas or anything.
Anyway so there's the obvious high rollers, Souray, Kovalev. I'm surprised Ryder & Higgins fetch so high while Markov looks like a steal at this rate. And yes, *cough* plenty of Samsonov ones. There is still time for that gift fellas.
Nonetheless one number stands out dearly, because I spat out my water, literally. Guillaume Latendresse, one of the shittiest kids that people have overhyped is selling his sweat infested filthrag for $1145-1295. Bloody hell, this guy must shit golden bricks because I might as well buy a Johnson, Bonk & Perezhogin one and relive the glory of our PK. I don't know whose idea it was to price that shit but listen pretty Gui, you're not worth that much. Clearly the whole Habs organisation is delusional. Go back to your room, put in your Mighty Ducks tape, and learn to play some goddamned hockey. I swear you defy physics by going slower everytime you try to skate.
That aside, the website is okay, but the last one looked cleaner and more hip. I don't like the fact that icespray is coming out of Koivu's ass on the side. And seriously, I'm as excited about Brisebois as the day we got Josh Gorges. Which is: they're both better off dead.
And with that done I've filled my Habs quota and I will not join you kids till next week on Monday where we return with "Paris Hilton, the monster that eats hockey goalies".
Irony is my fucking worst enemy. Have you ever gotten your ass kicked by Irony? It's like being beaten by a tiny stick. It's not funny at all.
As a short warning note. Now is not a good time to be an Eastern Conference enemy of the Habs. Chances are that if I meet you in a dark alley - I'll probably beat you up, steal your clothes but leave your wallet behind.
I got sucker punched by Irony when Laraque joined shithole central. Irony then kneed me (not as painful as I thought) when the Habs started sucking.
And Irony dealt me a hard and possibly career ending blow when I was proud enough to post about my weird Oilers shirt wearing fetish on the HLOG. My aunt had decided that she needed to wash everything she saw and my shirt was part of the pile. No sweat, as long as I get to sleep in it that night. However it never got to dry because of rain and our dryer is a pile of steaming shit so I was stuck with nothing. My choices were to sleep naked or attempt to do plan B. I ended up that night with my Habs shirt.
The shirt is fucking cursed. There's some dead ghost of a voodoo Habs bastard in my shirt.
My head. Gun. Pop myself. Do it.
And I'm really really moody. I actually don't feel like talking to anyone just because of this fucking loss. And you really should head over to the other better writeups of the game. Where the valiant Senators helped save the NHL from playoff spot grubbing illegal Mexican Habs attempting to steal it from other hard working NHL teams (Like the Leafs). (Yeah Sherry you better be careful sometimes, I might you know go West Side Story on your ass)
It's that time of the month.
FUCK. FUCK. Why do you break my heart so Rivet?
It seems that whenever I want to type a post, I have so many abstract thoughts floating in my head. I lack any sophistication in putting them on my screen.
So resorting to obscenities isn't too bad right? I mean my two favourite teams are in the shitter. One reassures me everyday that they'll ace their record so they can get to the playoffs only to be swept by a much better, skilled team. So is it unfair that I whine every single post I write?
I'm afraid not. It's my blog. I'll do what I want with it. I think I'll even write little emo poetry. Lemme share you some that I started:
Can you speak the words,
The ones stung into-
Okay I can't do it, even when I'm actually pilfering out one that I found by googling "emo poetry". I don't even think the person spelt it right, shouldn't it be strung?
Anyway I think I should get straight to the point. Edmonton has more problems than Wayne Gretzky's wife. Jussi Markkanen's puppy eyed optimism (post 1/1 goal shot yanking) makes me want to take his goalie stick and smash it through the head of MacTavish. Because the Oilers make me feel that way sometimes. Markkanen likes his meagre salary and will probably never return. Which is sad since the market's ripe for some Jussi/Roloson slash.
But I'm avoiding the main contention of this post (well it's not particularly the contention but rather what made me start typing the randomness that is this), I think everyone's waiting for me to say something about my chunky monkey (and by everyone I mean me and my pet teddy bear Bobo). I'll be frank. He's had a shitty season. And he was too expensive and too honest for the media. Ever heard of why all those franco players never want to play for Montreal? Well I'm not saying this is why but this is the ugly side of it all. It doesn't matter if you're Euro or Canadian, if you can't play it safe you'll probably be tossed on your ass. Maybe the Franco players are less jaded on the matter. And the Habs organisation are yet a far cry from a full on cup contending team.
Now to the hard hockey goer, it's cool. You don't want to have players babied, you want players be players. You want them to play hockey and be worth every cent (hello Briere). But I like watching players fall and rise and just embrace the sport as a single human being. I know you can love superstars, but I love seeing them struggle. Call me a massochist, but I think it feels sweeter when you're the underdog or you win it all battered and bruised.
In the case of Samsonov, I'll stand with this guy forever. Clearly there are many demonising this boy. But he has his faults and his tactless decisions. I know Habs fans prefer the same garbage. I know many a fan have already jumped off his wagon. I'm not going to be a bitch. Hell no, I'm stand by my word. Until he concusses a freaking player a la baseball, I'll still cheer for him. I cheer for Rivet, I cheer for Bergeron. And while it makes me sad, I cheer for Smyth. (though I may sometimes not cheer for some - Ribeiro?)
And for a team with low-tolerance for the low moments, it's disheartening. I think Samsonov needs a new start, and I will support him. But his departure will not change much for me as much as it would've at the start. (Plus I am very skeptical that this is the move that will solve everything. No one claims it but I think people are putting too much faith in AHL-ers and whatever sports analysts may say) I've come to terms with him on the emotional level. The team needs the right components, not the right superstars. I would like to see what management's got in store in the off-season but whatever happens happens. And despite what people think, Koivu can't go.
All I know is that I will bawl my fucking eyes out at the end of the regular season.
I think I'm defeated, but I guess I better get it over and done with before it completely destroys me just before my assignments period.
I have a dance that comes along with it. I assure you it's very riveting.
Nonetheless let me give you a little story about my Canadiens. Tonight was a must win game. It was a must win game because the must win games before this must win game had been already lost.
It seemed that the Canadiens needed some muscle. So they called the Russian Mafia. The Russian Mafia sent in their agent in the area (A man they call 27) and they fixed the Zambonis. The game was a sure win.
Additionally they decided to bring in their super secret goalie "David Aebischer". Now you're thinking "that's nothing new". But yahoo has informed me that this David Aebischer is actually a Czech sensation with the same name. I saw we get rid of Aebischer and keep this Aebischer.
Unfortunately throughout the game, the Zamboni boys were contacted by some very serious men from St Louis. But the Russian Mafia would have none of that. So Komisarek decided that he was going to finish the game up and we won.
Now this is a good thing for Habs fans. A win. A win.
I run to the standings, overjoyed that we got some points. That's gotta help right?
It made no fucking difference.
What the hell Sens? STOP SPRAYING POINTS EVERYWHERE.
Well thankyou Habs for cheering me up.
Love, love will keep us together!
I'm on the bus home, I see the shopping centre. I cry.
I get off the bus, I see the supermarket. I cry.
I get home, I stare at a pitcher of water. I cry.
I see a subway ad on tv. I cry.
I read a Habs post that makes me cry. All Habs posts make me cry.
I'm on my knees here, I've met something I can't overcome. I can't demand, I can't shake and I can't tease my team into the right kind. I can't beg for Koivu to prove those naysayers wrong. I can't accuse the organisation of betraying my trust and my love.
Maybe crying is an overstatement, it's more of a wimper and everything goes hazy.
And if the Habs were a partner, I'd have dumped his sorry ass long ago. He never kept his promises, he destroyed my love. He was a lousy lay, he would spoil me with glitzy gifts. And he never was consistent for me. He broke my heart, he had a crappy song and he destroyed every fucking thing I gave him. I would've told Habs that he was a wimp, and I never wanted to see his shit ever again.
I would've been a sucker for Mr Buffalo. He came with the money, the flashy history and a lot of pretty gifts. He looked after his people, and he kept his promises.
I don't get it, why do girls choose the losers? Why do they fall for the guys who never gave them fulfilment?
I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of undersanding, nor yet favour to men of skill but time and chance happeneth to them all.
A date with Sherry for whoever gets the quote!
In seriousland, I seem to have had a weird epiphany this morning. I close my eyes and got scared. As in the sweaty palms, heart stopping scared. No sweaty palms though, my sister gets those instead of me. But I couldn't stop thinking, I couldn't stop wondering what would happen.
I'm really scared.
Maybe I should start thinking of teams to cheer in the playoffs...
On a side note, when do I get to start making comparisons to Ryan Smyth and Aslan the Lion?
I somehow brought my Koivu jersey to university today, it was dark and I needed a jumper. I got the wrong jumper. Either way, as a starter note, the jersey is not a very warm piece of clothing. Maybe it was the warm weather that gave me the impression that it'd be enough and would keep me toasty. But damn, I was shivering.
When you run onto the train, people give you strange looks when you're a girl in a hockey jersey in a country that calls it *ice* hockey. I on the other hand, felt it accentuated my fine figure underneath all those folds of material. Shut up. Don't look at me that way.
Anyway as I look at the pretty CH, how much I have fallen in love with this team that I can even weep over a man with a face like Craig Rivet (his colour is not teal), I'm dying inside. It's the first of 4 days that we do not play a single game. And it seems like something the Habs can not control. You sit and throw dice while other teams duke it out.
Everytime I sit at this keyboard (or my laptop keyboard, depends on which thing I use. But come on, it's got dramatic effect. Shut up Jordi, continue the story... Wireless keyboards suck by the way), my mind is exploding with thoughts. What can we do to fix the team? What can we do to improve it? I have so many raging emotions; the grief overtaking every single one.
And I'm going to silence every single thought. Because the trade deadline has come and gone. Everything to fix this team will be too late. It's like the final moments of a footrace; you don't yap and chatter, you clench your teeth and you hold your breath.
It'll be a long breath, but god I don't know what to do anymore. I hold my faith so strongly, but I feel like a different fan at this current moment. Everything is a blur, and I feel somewhat emotionally spent.
If we make it, I think I'll be going out celebrating. If we don't win - let it be known that there'll be hell to pay. And I'm going kicking and screaming. And I probably will cry.
No really. I'm going to go play NHL 07 and I don't care anymore. Win Habs Win damn it.
Glove tap to Hockeygirl for the image.
While E from Theory of Ice helped give a zen-like post after the bloodbath (or spanking) that happened, I am still an angry fan.
For now I'm trying to not be mad at my team, or think about it hard. It's destroying my concentration on other things, it makes me angry easily. And worst of all, it's ruining my career in the Post Office Retail industry.
The weather is cruel to me as well, the 30 degree weather merely inspires the sweaty men in singlets to come in as sweaty men without singlets. My eyes water as I hand them change.
I don't know really. I'm begging for the hockey gods to phone me up and go "Sorry Jordi, we've been pulling your leg for the past few weeks, everything will be back to normal". Because, fuck, I never knew it was that bad.
However Habs fans? I know people are scolding each other for being paranoid and blaming each other for not keeping the faith. But am I the only one who finds it so pitiful that it has fallen apart to this? Not to mention I'm a bit suspicious that the Habs population is being made up of lemmings.
Oh Jordi stop being so paranoid. You're going over the top. You guys are still #5. See? Well, our team is a mess. Not to mention that the coach whom I loved and admired, has gone batshit insane. Assbackwards or backasswards, he has placed Murray on Waivers and designated 6 million dollars in the press box. Rivet apparently did not take it as well as the other guy. Here's where Habs lemmings come in and go "... Well Carbonneau had a lot of balls for scratching two players and having the result of another loss. Yeah. Go Carbo! You rock!". This isn't Guy Carbonneau. He knew what to do, he would save the day. He saved Habs fans from burning buildings and bank heists. Give me back the regular Guy Carbonneau!
Additionally, Samsonov the punching bag has proved once again that he had nothing to do with the lack of production in the Habs. But it doesn't matter, obviously he did something wrong there as well. But from what I hear of the interview he happily gave (yes he's gracious and kind. I mean what is with these fans who blow one event into everything? It's like when no one understands the greatness of Laraque.) he sounded sad. A little dejected, helpless and somewhat the kind of child I want to hold in my arms.
Oh my, I'm getting weepy aren't I?
Okay I'm taking a deep breath. And I'll put away my Samsonov tshirt. It's not a goodbye. It's a... break.
There.
I feel horribly empty. But I want to tell you guys, I'm not running from the bandwagon. I'm just trying not to get all melodramatic over a loss. I want to be able to think damn it without giving a pause to mourn. And my stupid PMS-y attitude with my Habs, coupled with romance novels I've been reading on my break are making me a sad crushed fan.
