17 posts tagged “dwayne roloson”

Hopefully a common sight. Victory that is.

I was going to call the post Fuck the Sabres again but then I was afraid of being a nasty malicious person. Oh right, I'm kind of halfway there anyway.

However firstly I've been a bit down. Apart from my All Hot Team sucking. I mean when I chose my kids I forgot they had to be smokingly hot and score points. Quoteth my sister "there don't seem to be a lot of those". I guess if I wanted I would've thrown out Horc, called for Thornton & um, Lupul is just dreamy I can't let go of him. Damn you men and your appearances! If only I chose while they had paper bags on their heads!

Secondly I have been down because of this Samsonov migration camp. The general consensus is that Sammy is overpaid, overrated and will never score a point. It irks me. Sure the majority of these people are forum trolls and some are just suicidal Habs fans. But while I may have embellished a bit in the "We kind of um, suck" attitude, I have tried to be positive. My general problem is the D and it's mainly because they need serious improvement. But while I may say the second line isn't producing much, I acknowledge their efforts. What I want to say is that right now, they want Samsonov's head on a pike in exchange for some points.

And all I can say is: you fucking hypocrites. I may be a bit heavy. But the sentiment is still the same. Call me biased, I am a blind Samsonov fan. But even I know how to actually stick to a story. There was even a poll on "who the hell was going to score first" and Sammy was second. What really pisses me off is the number of fans who suddenly pretend that they knew it was a bad move to allow a puckhog on the team. The number of "I hate Samsonov" kids who come and say that he was useless in the playoffs, he was a floater and that he was freaking useless.

Let me ask you this then. If he was so invisible, so useless, why is it that he had the fifth most points out of the Oilers forwards in the playoffs? Compared to Michael flipping Peca, this guy is a saint. But I don't want to say just those points. I mean points need to be put in context and all that. To be honest, he scored an assist the first game with the Oilers - I can guess it was more of a luck thing but seriously - he was probably received with Oilers better than this lot. However may I add that here is Samsonov. The guy who broke his stick (I think with the Red Wings in the playoffs too), dogged by two Ds, passed the puck with his skate to Spacek who then hit it home. He was the guy who helped them win the first game against the Sharks, with his magic bounding out of the penalty box routine. He scored against the Canes with some silly moves but he flipping scored. He scored when it mattered - especially with the Sharks game. And he hauled ass. I mean he always tried whether it was with mediocre back/forechecking. Even in the recent games, some fans are quietly pleased to see Samsonov check or try a bit more. Believe it or not, he is trying his darndest under his 5 foot 10 exterior. I don't get why people keep saying that he was useless in the playoffs. I know there's the magical guys before him: He who must not be named, Horc, Hemmer, Smytty & St Fernando. But for people to actually say that he wasn't needed in the games are just lying to themselves. Just like saying Jussi didn't man up and play like the trooper he was.

Nonetheless there's been a concern driving me. It's the fact that I wake up everyday and go to school, whereas on the other side - my beloved Oilers or Habs may be battling their hearts out. It tears me that I don't know what's happening. I even want an Oil or Habs cap just so I can wear when I go out or something in preparation for next year when I attend uni lectures (I'll say it's for good luck).

But turns out my good for nothing mobile actually does have a use. It can access scores! And imagine when I was looking at the Habs/Leafs game yesterday, during OT and seeing something like "PECA SHOT ON GOAL". I flipped out and just kept trying to see what happened. Thank god we won this game. And it made me so damn happy I had to send a message of my high.

But I used to always have something that drove me through school (believe me, schoolwork doesn't exactly make me happy). I used to drink juice a lot. All it did was make me poor. Freshly squeezed juice too. Now I wear a hideous ring, alternating on my ring and middle finger - depending on my mood (and as well I read the paper every day in class). Now it's hockey. I keep thinking of it when I'm not concentrating on classes or whatever my friends may say. I need a patch. Like something that will stop me from this. Because in less than 4 weeks time, I will be in the middle of a very important future deciding exam. I do not want to be thinking "Freaking chunky monkey score some points you dolt".

Speaking of friends, I actually found myself discussing with a friend about men with beards. The opportunity too juicy to pass, I gave her a short read. After a while she told me quite enthusiastically "I want a guy with a Stage 3 beard!".

However I feel a bit guilty since I got the Oilers/Flames first game (on the 5th) and actually didn't start watching it till today when I came home from school and sat back with a lunch snack and whatnot. But it was a damn good game. I love this game! Even though my sister came home halfway and spent a lot of time next to me bitching about the other chick at work. I was still excited of this game. About nicknames, I've been giving Sykora the name "Sicky". Only because uh... It's short. And well in Australia, when people say something's awesome - it's sick. Sykora is fully sick, so to say.

 Some random thoughts:

• Iginla 12 pounds lighter!?
• Hemsky is such a wimp. But I still love him. He had that “I’m not getting paid enough” face when he got smashed by hockeygirl’s darling Dion.
• Watching Phaneuf just smash people is amazing. AMAZING. I’m fully on board this totally Phaneuf train.
• Reasoner swatting that puck away made me laugh. And the people screaming  “REASONER!” Marty you are good.
• Staios may have no freaking points but he seems like the most vocal of the team. Hee. But um Smid seems a bit… useless? I mean Staios is still full of hotness and awesomeness, he freaking shines next to Smid.
• MAB’s a little smarter but he’s still ugly and makes me homicidal. I love seeing him fall over or get hurt. It’s somewhat of a love hate relationship – minus the love. I loathe him.
• I love Iginla’s shot. Beautiful. That and they played “Get Over It” by Ok Go when they scored (I love that group).
• Is it just me or do the refs keep getting tangled up every now and then? I know it’s normal but they seem to freakout a bit and sort of throw their bodies somewhere.
• Oh Roli. I missed thee. And that small break between every whistle where you go complain to the refs about something not quite right. Oh and it was totally hot what you did with the end of game brawl – not exactly brawl but a fun fun finish. That was quite amazing, Tanguay got his shirt stuck on someone’s stick and he span hitting Roli. And Roli just flips out and you could see he almost goes nuts. Imagine if it was Markkanen in the net. Markkanen would totally be going off the bench and chatting to MacT or like… offering to let some last minute goals for the Flames in exchange for some dirty money (because his 800k don’t pay the bills!).
• There’s a lack of physical toughness. I mean Hemsky runs away and Horcoff is like a stiff but easily swattable fly. And Smyth can only take so many pucks to the face.
• Loops! I love you. They need a box of Fruit Loops and your adorable face on it. Because you look as fruity as you are cute.

Okay he didn't say that. But if he ever does you can quote me on that.

Nonetheless currently in the news, it seems that growing old takes its toll on players (namely Roloson & Chelios). Okay I don't really know what it is that makes Chelios a piece of bleep as everyone seems to say, it seems that players don't get a "jackass" section on wikipedia (I thought he was a pretty funny guy). However from what I hear it seems that this seems to have come from wtf-land and angry bitter settiments. Though someone put up an interesting read, though I don't want to jump to conclusions.

Another potential lockout from these hundred angry players? Apparently Roloson signed his Europe contract early so he might have no troubles with it.

But why? Where's the money? Are there little boys molested because of this? Is the pension plan not too good? Where are the police? Why isn't Dr Phil running a special on this?

Like what the hell Roloson?

Roloson met with the media yesterday and once again said it was unfair for Saskin to be elected as the head of the union when not all the players were allowed to vote.
(snip)
"We need to right the ship and go forward," Roloson said.

I hope you didn't get all roped up in this over a glass of bubbly? This totally doesn't shed any light on why you're Chelios' second in command on this lawsuit. I mean was the whole playoff run not hot enough for you? Why are you not fathering hot children?

The suit was filed in U.S. federal court in the Northern District of Illinois and also names Linden, along with former executive members Bill Guerin, Bob Boughner and Vincent Damphousse. The suit alleges an illegal payment of $8-million (U.S.) to Goodenow under an agreement that was not approved by the executive board; that Saskin "intentionally and fraudulently misrepresented and omitted material facts" to obtain "an unwarranted and excessive salary of $2-million [U.S.]."

Lastly, I heard something about unaccounted for salaries. Or something like that. And something escrow.

But the bottom line? Hanging with Chelios? Not hot? But to be fair Chelios looks a bit like a troll so Roloson must've looked gorgeous standing next to Cheli.

Ah well, at least Samsonov doesn't kick up fuss. Except one time when he was in the Bruins and in the middle of a game, ironically against the Oilers, he was forced to sit a penalty at a crucial time for an illegal stick. He bitched about that (everyone has an illegal stick, the stick does nothing etc. etc.) He scored the game winner afterwards. But he doesn't complain much, though to be fair he pretty much openly admitted that his line fully blowed prior to being Rib-less.

(article from here)

To be honest the Sens are much better and deserved to win. And yes I am suppressing the urge to punch a hole through my laptop - I mean there are many times I feel like I need to care. Mainly it started with my own illusions that the Habs were a very shaky crew but could manage. Now at least I can grin and at least not feel disappointed when they lose again. However I must celebrate that Kovalev scored a goal! It probably involved shaking a magic 8 ball where Kovalev whispers "Will I hit the net today?". It ends with him returning home and going "thanks you're the greatest!" to said ball.

But seriously, how much money do we have to pay these guys to win?

My friend tells me that winners don't use drugs, they read (Roli's learning the alphabet with kids). Which is why the Edmonton won the Western Conference instead of Calgary - the literacy rate is higher (er... zing?).

However what is really bittersweet is that the beloved Oilers lost to their old friend Laraque. Now I am one of those few who enjoy Laraque for just being a decent enough guy - I lie, I love this guy mainly because he's such an interesting thing to watch on (and off) ice. He makes it all look good. ButI must add I love it when people bounce off Torres.

I must say that I can live to forgive Pronger... if he can fully acknowledge his mistakes. In fact I think Comrie may one day grow up to be a decent kid, or some weirdo dating a chick from Laguna Beach. I just get fustrated in seeing people freak in a non-humorous way (head banging the wall emoticons are only funny for so long) about the personal life of players. In a way it usually ends with "I can confirm it because my dad's friend works for the team and the equipment guy said he and Pronger are more than just good friends". I can seem to understand what hockeygirl was getting at a while ago. I mean the minute dissection of one player's whole life and integrity based on news reports and hearsay gets very tiring, boring and the irrational anger it brings on is nothing to be proud of. I usually tend to say "chill" in these situations but then I remember my friends slap me at those moments. Maybe Pronger should be entitled to be quiet on his stories or him asking for a trade was allowed because he had his own private life problems. However I must say that doesn't forgive him from being an asshole to the fans about it. You deal with it, it's something you get for dropping a bombshell like that.

Now I've just been half watching this documentary that was locally interesting because of its subject: footy chicks. The girls are the puckbunnies of Rugby, Soccer and Australian Football. I did enjoy the old lady who cross-stitched little images of her favourite team - she was sort of representing the long time fan who enjoyed the team for a while. But it was fairly interesting and creepy at the same time. There are girls which just give me the heebie-jeebies because they can't dream of dating a non-player in fears of being seen with a weaker man. And the extreme girls who want Ronnie (Ronnie Coote was a Rugby player in the 60s = rhymes with root = sex), are just going about their business. They don't feel any shame with their promiscuity, which I do feel that it has something to do with the society judgement of girls who have more than one relationship. But it just creeps me that these girls like to blur this line of watching the players to meeting them and somehow sleeping with popular players give you more points. An interesting part is when they ask one groupie about the problems with sexual assault by the players themselves. She pauses and she says a sort of nonsensical answer of "I know it happens but... I know how to deal with it so I'm fine". It just seems to make people want to reply "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GIRLS WHO DON'T WANT THE DAMN SEX?". It's this weird dilemma where you can complain about the double standards, that women can't enjoy sex in fear of being a slut. But what are you getting at? That it's okay to sleep with a guy with a girlfriend or wife because he's a player? Or join in some strange group sex ritual because you just want bragging rights?

After I saw that the idea of puckbunnies dug in my head. So I did the unthinkable, I googled for self-proclaimed puckbunnies. It's sort of like putting on some glasses but blurring them with vaseline, and then you run through the wind with it all swirling around you and catch bits and pieces. Is it wrong for me to feel proud of Wardo for being such a devout christian and being deemed "boring"? It's a bit like a gossip lounge which gets very stalkerlike. People ask everything, from pictures of their family or their significant other - where they will be hanging out and whether they're happy with their life. It then is followed with "slut!" or "he's cheating on her". And I'm going to take it all with a grain of salt however the insistence of these women on stalking-ohsorry I meant er... hooking up with hockey players makes me wonder about the real deals. But I have to say a lot of it sounds like bullshit. What does surprise me is when long time goers call each other on bullshit and have this sort of bitchfest for providing false or "trying to troll". But at that point I'm sort of clicking the down button rapidly and going "huh". I don't know. I got some things but all I can summarise is erm... Roli is prime meat and possibly cheating on his wife (the same wife who stuck with him throughout his poor days)? Hanaan is another popular pick. Oh and every fucking thing that moves on ice.

I can't seem to pull together my thoughts this time round. Really. I have this sort of idiot's guide in my head on being a celibate hockey player. But then you'd have to be really nuts or neutered to want that sort of thing. In that case I present to you, the winner's advice for male hockey players who may be attacked by women from all sides and want to have a Wayne Gretzky sweetheart-like life. Plan A is to be a devout Catholic or join a cult. Scientology might work. If crazy religious cults don't scare the women away, go play with a paper bag over your head. That way the women will go "Ooh 41 is really built." "41? He has a freaking paper bag on his head! He's a low budget muppet!" Of course it may sort of hurt your career a bit so don't try the paper bag thing. Unless you make holes to see and breathe - if you do then please for the love of god take a picture.

My only final solution for great hockey players who don't want women attacking them - is get some surgery, ask them to whip out the ugly stick and beat you over the head with it. The better you are at the game, let yourself be ten times more hideous. And if you suddenly decide to hook up with women later on, well you can take out that paper bag from Plan B and save it for sex.

The bottom line is, I think I prefer my alpha male hockey boards. At least there wont be threads with every second post saying "How long was the relationship? Was he good in bed? Did he treat you nice?".

Out. Oh yeah. Go Sharks - you better beat Team Elisha Cuthbert.

Is this the face of a 22 year old boy in the peak of his career, living the happiest years of his life? Is he the wonderkid of Edmonton with the "baby cute" cheeks while he whizzes around like some great Czech dude amazingness? Despite his new contract, he had no time to get some new teeth. Either that or all those high school bullies turned up at his home and mugged him for lunch money. And call me a creep but part of me wants to scoop him up and rock him to and fro. Course he's probably taller than me and we'll take a while trying it out.

Hey, if success in the Oilers franchise is meant to curse you with creepy mugshots, Horcoff confirms it all.

But it's not all that bad, some goalies learnt from their past mistakes and cleaned up. The SQUEE-factor on Jussi's colgate winning smile is off the charts. If I had twenty seconds with the Juice and I'll never see him again, the first and possibly only question will be about the teeth. How does he keep them so beautiful? Of course afterwards I will cover his head with a cloth bag and abduct him to my summer home.

I'm crushed that Jussi didn't make the hot off though. It's the apocalypse. Finnish men deserve a fair go and I blame lydia who forced a last minute tiebreaker. I will continue to act gallantly in the Oilers fan tradition and boo her whenever she votes.

Roloson tries on his bedroom eyes for a change and still makes me swoon. Seriously, it could be worse. The camera has ultimately deducted 10 years from his skin. Or his wife lent him some new skincare products. Either way, Jussi will have to make room in that closet in my summer home.

Worthy notables include my darling Steve-o whose antics as a hockey player may have left him a little balding, however he's still ruggedly handsome in a distressed house-husband kind of way. And remember wife-cheating Moreau? He's gotten the 10-years-younger treatment as well. It's funny how months ago I would bitch and moan about how much smaller these guys' heads were in proportion to their body. However it's become a symbol of manliness and they probably have funny stories about bedsheets being a little too short.

Lastly, our captain Canada Smytty just looks... like Smytty. And Pisani emulates Roli from last year and thinks looking stoned is the only way to go.

AND CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET POULIOT SOME FACE CLEANSER? PLEASE?

And congratulations to hockeygirl, whose blog has become a shining home of refuge for all Dion Phaneuf fangirls and is worth a daily/weekly read so you can boost that counter up.

And a post without images!? Jordi you're losing your touch they'll say.

I never take much solace in hideously enlarged writing. But alas, it has become something that must be done!

ALBERT DWAYNE ROLOSON!?

Oh and you're invited to my wedding.

The wedding of the season!

Rest in Peace Steve Irwin. Australia cares too much. We'll miss you very much.

Captain retard

Nonetheless it seems that there is an issue I'd like to address. While girls want to determine the hottest oiler, I am struggling to find what is hot in a bunch of rushed mugshots in the back of a barn. What happened to the time and beauty that made a hot Oiler? When a kid gets to join the Oilers, what really should happen is that they get a little bit of spare cash and bring their family for a glamourshot. There'll be rotating backgrounds of sunny beaches, snowy mountains or even the Stanley Cup itself.

But if this is not getting to you, let me create examples with photoshop on how you can make a serial killer with just a couple of clicks. Allow me to present to loathed Michael Peca. While he looks like a great colgate commercial in this shot (it's actually not bad), he has an awfully butt ugly face. And he looked like a wife beater. While people may still scratch their head around this, this is it.

Peca beats women

Nonetheless it soon became clear that I could do it with other people.

Conks is hot

But wait, there's more! (It hurt me to do this) Though I must say Roli had a great mugshot despite his "deer in the headlights" stunned expression.

Roli doesn't do that...

Sammy takes a penalty Olympic 2002 style!

Oh canvas how I missed thee. Though I spent one hour painting badly I enjoyed every second. And every art teacher that passed scolded me for stretching the canvas lazily, I knew what canvas I really wanted to stretch. Eh Vesa? Call me.

Nonetheless it seems that most of the things on my "vox" are Markkanen or Samsonov related. After all the "map" shows that the two dominate my thoughts while Dwayne Roloson coughs up a quiet third. (Though I must say I've talked way more about Vesa than Cam Ward).

Which is strange y'see, cause for my birthday (which is the 26th! Mark it bastards!) my sister stormed home (yesterday) with a nintendo ds lite, claimed it was for me and started to open and play it herself. Nonetheless I now own a Nintendog Labrador by the name of "Roli".

It's almost like a small guilty fantasy, naming something Roli while barking ('scuse the pun) orders for him to sit. So far I've only taught him to sit and lie down. And if the real Roli does it as well as my Nintendog Roli, we're going to have a lot of fun.

My next dog shall be named Jussi. And the one after will be Sammy. Jussi's going to be a Corgi whereas I haven't decided on Sammy's breed yet.

Nonetheless some thoughts: In less than a month, there are going to be hockey games (yay!). In less than three months I will have my final exams for high school.

Shit I'm scared.

Roli in his Finnish net!

I wish Roli actually went on with fighting against Cloutier. It would've been so sexy.

Speaking of sexy, Brind'Amour helped get the tickets up 60%. Is it his young sellable face? Methinks so.

My sister bought me an early birthday present. Now I shall be spending most of my time with my new nintendog. Begone!

And ooh, this guy is going to go to Florida Panthers. Go Melbourne!

IMG_0564

I stretched the damn canvas too hard and didn't realise that the frame had gone all wonky. Will have to restretch it. I think god's giving me a sign. I think it's telling me to stop painting Toskala and do Moreau. After all why the hell am I painting a Shark?

It's funny. I've been a fan for less than half a year. It will be perfectly understandable if I flip out and start rooting for another team. Though I think Chloe will stop talking to me. And I could start becoming a Ducks or Sharks or even Canes fan. I have a bad crush on Cam Ward, Selanne is such a funny guy. And well Sharks, gosh. How do I start?

My sister liked Brind'Amour until she saw him close up. And while searching for Toskala I found these great videos of a segment held regularly, allowing the fans to get to know their player. Toskala has the most adorable middle name, and he says it in such a fashion that makes you swoon. He has these adorable pinchable cheeks. And well I may not like Nieminen on the ice but I like him saying that Toskala's favourite meal is "fingernails".

Nabokov has become a favourite despite me never seeing him play. Why? Because he's such a weird character. He's all scrawny looking and makes me laugh. If his career fails, he should just stay for amusement factor. Especially his reply to the question of "Schapelle or Chris Rock?". He just stands there stunned and goes "... what?". And this guy played for Kazakhstan in his earlier years! Isn't that awesome? Plus he even got a Non Trade Clause in his contract, at least someone I liked got their NTC.

And my sister stopped by and went "hey he's cute". I realised she was talking about Cheechoo. I dont particularly like him but I find the charm more in European men. And afterwards when I filled her in on who he was she paused and said "I don't think I can handle being Mrs Cheechoo". When she soon came over to the world of Hockey men, something I had been trying to persuade her to do for a while (she claimed that the men were too muscular and ugly and with less teeth than a newborn child), she as well managed to say "I wanna be a rink bunny!". Me too sister. Me too. (what? at least being a bunny implies you've actually scored with these men!)

I still have faith in the Oilers, I think I love the guys more than to switch teams suddenly. But I wish they'd do
something like that Sharks segment. It's simple offhand things that help sketch the player as a whole and not just "hockeyhockeyhockey". I would kill to hear Horcoff talk more about simple things, and he likes his green eye! It works damn it. And you guys boast of having such a friendly close team but there's little proof behind it apart from "we always do things together". I sincerely doubt that a team of 20-something people can love each other equally. People get married, people do stuff. And I'd love to see Roli teach an eye exercise or two.