1 post tagged “cam ward”

Well it's time for a starting post. And I am going to rock it. I am not going to put this post as a mockery. Just some fun thoughts I put together. I welcome all critique and as well some handy facts. I am new to hockey and I would embrace learning more of it futher than the wikipedia stage.

The contention of this post originally started with my sister and I. And well some friends. My sister and the friends dont like the men because they were just... hairy. I am proud to say that they do not sport such hair during the season all the time. And there was a reason Pronger ruled, and that was less air resistance. But I liked the hair. Men were manlier. Hemsky doesn't look like an overgrown kid. Moreau was badass!

Nonetheless I loved the goalies. Everyone did. I mean I gave my love to all of them, some more than others and some just plain none. I find that the fans tend to like exaggerating their goalies, from "Rolo-san the samurai goalie" to Crazy Conks.

Silly, we all know the real star was the badass goaltender, Jussi Markkenen.

 

# 30 - Mr. Cam "God gave me this" Ward
Now I know this guy has been mentioned everytime the word "cup" has been the topic. He helped win the stanley cup. He was the belle of the ball and won the "prom queen" cup. You know the drill. And I'm sure if you looked at his beard long enough, you'll see the genius everyone saw in him.
Is he just flash in the pan? Will he become a legend? Hell this guy is 22, getting married on the 22nd and will probably have 22 children like the good christian he is.
One may remember him always for that great playoff beard he had. They were thinking of giving the Conn Smythe to Ward or Brind'amour and the judges went "What? Brind'amour has no playoff beard!? Fuck that, lets give it to the rookie. He's probably sprouting hair up the wazoo."
Ward has an awesome Playoff beard. I remember the start of this final he had a nice steady growth but now it's just rocking. And you know what? He's recently shaved it. His wife probably didn't like it and got him to lose it chop chop. It made him look disrespectable and unruly.

But well Cam Ward is a pretty picture. From his totally non gay stroking of Brind'amour's hair to his cute head twitch.

Oh and get this, he's 5 and a half years old. He's a leap year baby!

#35 - Dwayne "Roli the Goalie" Roloson
Ah. The apple of my eye. He is awesome. And it should be noted that every time he smiles, it seems so fake. I don't know how, but he should just look angry all the time or such. My friend affectionately calls his official profile mugshot the "deer in headlights" look. I reckon it's just the only face he can make throughout his whole goalie career. I was so psyched to see him in the first game. He had a great beard. Girls were wetting themselves when they saw this guy. He should be doing everything with his shirt off. Enough of his money shot. He has one assist on his record for being awesome.

Our favourite overpaid goalie had the total playoff beard going on. I just dont get why he got it all shaved off the next game. Some hockey players struggle with a 5 o'clock shadow to bloom while this guy probably has to trim it so it doesn't tangle. After all, the fans had their beards, where's yours?

Things to do when the Oilers make the playoffs again (ha!): Make the whole team do eye exercises, teach everyone to grow a manly playoff beard, and lastly, name a playoff beard after Roli. The commentator should be going "And it looks like he's got a Roli! Popular with the young ones!"

#29 - Ty "Why does everyone hate me?" Conklin
There were many theories behind this guy. Maybe he likes screwing up. Maybe he was just rusty. Maybe he thought it was funny to try new things.

I can't hate him. But he did have a manly beard and a butt ugly face. Okay not hideous but when he irritated me, looking at his face did not help. To be fair, the people who were begging to kick out Ty were the ones who were asking the Juice to be part of the deal on the train out of Edmonton. And while Jussi sat quietly, satisfied with being passed over, happy that he wasn't paid over the million, Conklin promised a lot and well, failed.

I'm not sorry he's gone. But I wish him luck. However his career is not what my post is about. It's his beard. His big pirate beard that really rolls its 'arrr' at you. He supported the dream. And if only he were a guy with a good seat, a guy with a lot of spirit but a crappy idea of a backup goalie.

Well I think there is about one or two memories he left behind in Edmonton.

#30 - Jussi "Juicy Juice" Markkanen (full of Finnish flavour)

He's the last option, but definitely not the least! I love this guy. And I mean it. His mannerisms, where he glides up and down. And don't you remember Game 2 when there was the goaltender interference when he was smacked down on his ass? He was always into that puck, ready to clamp down on it. Sure he missed 5 times, but the Oilers sucked that time. And I'm amazed at his concentration, so much that he forgets about you know, the players that are around him. It's creepy sometimes, the way he just moves around them like they're not there.

My main problem with him is that he's never aggressive. But I guess that's what makes him great and humble. Despite his great "Europe" stats, he messed up here and there. And MacTavish decided that Conklin was more driven that good old nice Jussi. He plays hockey with his kids, probably more times than he actually played on the ice. He probably never imagined he was going to be playing in the Stanley Cup. His dad came over and he probably went "sorry Dad, I'm not that good."

People were screaming at the Juice at the start of this year, they wanted him gone and out of the city. Though now all the haters can go stick it. Though this includes the Roli haters. You know who you are

That little tuft of hair he had was probably only a preview of what he was going to have. He probably thought, why the hell should I bother growing a beard? Well it brought him enough luck he needed. And he he just isn't paid enough. It has been told that a lot of Roloson coaching came his way and well, maybe Jussi got awesome from Roloson in a totally non slashy way. I like this guy. He's younger than Roli, but I don't want to wait for him to take over Roli when he gets all droopy and old. For god's sakes, if he's been that awesome in the playoffs, think of how he'd be with extra preparation! I have faith in the Juice in becoming something big - people predicted him to have 5 million a year in his salary last year in the lockout! And it's not just because of his Finnish flavour goaltending, it's his great hair. Nonetheless the beard has already been gone, it was a nice dream Jussi.

Things to do when Jussi gets awesome(er): Give him a cool new mask - something like "ANGRY FINNISH GOALIE" to get the fans into it. Roli should melt off all his gold and make a Juicy award. You know the rest.

So what have we learnt today? Goaltenders grow more facial hair than some hockey players? That the author really loves Juice? Nonetheless good night and good luck!