A day in the Habs life of Jordi.

Jordi knows she’s been busy – it’s the NHL’s fault for their unfortunate schedule problems. Nonetheless the Habs are a bunch of freaking pornstars, you get the blowing and the sucking and the climax ends with a bit of dodgy music and a cheap whore at the door.

Anyway yes, I’m trying my hardest to use Habs every day.  For example recently, this conversation took place:

Jordi: FUCK SHIT NO FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Friend: What’s the matter? The Habs lose? The Oilers suck?
Jordi: Nah I forgot to enrol to vote. But yes that too.

However it’s hard for me to tell me about games that I’m having so much fucking trouble listening to. And all I can say is – blame the Mac. The thing which Windows XP crapped out on and all that the Mac does is act as a wankstain on my lap. But the Mac’s alright, it’s just that hockey hates me.

Such as ruining my luck with people I meet who may potentially be “My new hockey friend”.

It always started with me checking up on my dear habs at canadiens.com, where my friend exclaimed, “dude it’s CANADIANS. With an A”.  I told her not to worry and was enjoying myself and she started bugging me some more “Why is it with an E? Oh my god, have I been spelling it wrong all the time?”. Now let me introduce “guy sitting next to us on the other computer”, let’s call him Exhibit A. He leant over and informed my friend “It’s French, the Montreal Canadiens”. And with a cute accent that would make every girl take their pants off – up until they saw his face. But who cared, he could’ve been a Habs fan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately that day I wasn’t in the right state of mind. As my friend inquired with Exhibit A “So you speak French?” he replied with “Oui (insert random French onhohoho) French Toast”. And at that point I thought it would be funny to tease him and go “You’re so sexy.”

Queue awkward silence.

Queue me explaining it was a joke from a hit TV show named Friends (In my defense it WAS. And if you were any of my friends you would know I joke about it ALL the time).

Queue me burying my foot into my mouth.

And that was boys and girls, how I single-handedly destroy every chance of hockey socialising. I still haven’t gone up and karate-chopped the friend-of-a-friend who turns out is a Canucks fan so my chances are still good.